Cats Rule - Part 1

Wednesday night, I finally had time to go through the pile of newspapers and magazines that have been accumulating over the past week or so.

One of our free mags is called 'Shoppe'. This is something where someone places an ad for something that they want to sell or buy. They also have listings of events happening in the area and fun little stories.

This was last weeks fun little story. Anyone who has cats (I guess some of this could be for a dog too) will be shaking their heads, with smiles on your face, saying "Yup"

Basic Rules for Cats Who Run A House (Part 1)

'Doors: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer it with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs. (My cat will reach her little arm under the door. Mewing as loudly as she can until I open the door. Once the door is open she gives me the smug look and turns and walks away. Victory in her step.)

Guests: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that lap. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select fabric which contrasts well with your fur. For example: White-furred cats go to black wool clothing. NOTE: Velvet takes precedence over all other cloth.

For guests who exclaims, "I love kitties!" be ready with aloof disdain, apply claws to stockings or arms, or use a quick nip on the ankle.

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything---just sit there and stare.

Hampering: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping" otherwise known as "hampering." Some rules:

a)When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

b)For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

c)For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner to obscure the maximum amount. Pretend to dose but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. Sit on the paperwork they are working on. Roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. Embroidery and needlepoint make great hammocks.

d)When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her be sure to jump at the back of the paper. They love surprises.

e)Dart out quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs; when they have something in their arms; in the dark; and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

f)When a human is attempting to "make the bed," hop on it and curl up in the center, or pounce on the sheet the human is trying to rearrange. If the human tries to ignore you by covering you with the sheets, move around and try to mess things up. Protest loudly when you're evicted.'

(g)Laundry presents many opportunities to hamper. Laundry fresh from the dryer is a perfect bed, since it is warm and soft. As soon as it is put down for sorting, arrange yourself for a nap. If the human removes you, keep returning until the laundry isn't warm anymore. Now it's playtime. Pounce on anything the human tries to move around for folding, especially socks and nylons. For added fun, grab a sock and hide under the bed with it.

I hope you enjoyed part I of 'Basic Rules For Cats Who Run A House.'

If you did not shake your head. Look are your furry friend and say, "Yup. You do that." Smile and laugh, you do not live with a furry one and must go adopt one. (Bobbie I have the purrfect kitty for you :o) )

Tomorrow part II