My Brother Danny - September 22, 1960 - August 2, 2001

Danny was given a raw deal in life. His health was shitty. Obviously, he did if he died at the age of 40. He was 6 1/2 years old than me. From pictures I have seen of him growing up, it didn't look like he was a happy person. Very rarely I would come across a picture that he was smiling. I don't know if it is because even at a young age, his health was bad or if he was just plain miserable. I can't say that we were close and for the life of me I don't know why. He was an awkward person. I'll say socially deficient. He had a hard time relating to people. He was never into sports in school. As a matter of fact, he hated school. He passed all his classes and would progress through the years until his junior or senior year. This was the year he got his driver's license. He would go through the motions of going to school. Getting up early, having breakfast and heading out the door with school books in hand. Never mind that it was always the same books. And coming home when school let out. Finally the school called my mom and dad and said that he missed a lot of days. The fight broke out. It ended up mom and dad told him if he wasn't going to go to school and graduate, he may as well quit. Turning to me saying, "But I am going to see one of my kids graduate." The pressure. I was the only one left to graduate.

After he quit school he went to work for my dad at the station. He didn't want to get involved in mechanic work, so he pumped gas. He also became a volunteer fireman. When the whistle blow, he ran to his car. This was a sight to see because it was the only time we ever seen him move fast.

One Christmas morning he woke up not feeling well. He opened his presents, but was soon back in bed. Mom took his temperature and it was 104. She did all she could to bring the fever down, but this went on for days. Then one morning he said he butt hurt and my mom looked and there was a boil. Our family doctor was on vacation for the holiday's so they took him to a different doctor. He drained and packed the boil in the office and gave him medicine. He also wanted him to come to the office everyday for a shot. This went on for about a month before dad said, "that's it. Your going to my doctor." He took one look at him and put him in the hospital. After running tests, Danny was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. They managed to get it under control through steroid's and other medications. He was finally discharged with a new doctor, new diet and medicines. Danny being Danny didn't follow what the doctor's told him and soon started losing weight fast. We knew he was having a flare up and soon ended back in the hospital again. This cycle went on for many years. The time soon came that the Crohn's just ate away his insides and it was time for a colostomy. After surgery he did good for many years and then it started again. He never told us what was going on and once when he was in the hospital mom found out that one kidney had already stopped functioning and the other was failing. They ended up having to put a tube in that one. They wanted to do a liver biopsy, but Danny refused. They sent him to Presbyterian hospital in Philadelphia. They diagnosed him with colon cancer. After he came home he started with chemo. So not only did he have to wear bags for all bathroom purposes, had cancer and then I found out he had congestive heart failure.

Danny had a love for animals. I think he felt the same as me when it comes to animals. Their love and understanding is unconditional. They don't judge. They love you know matter your personality. They love you for who you are. He would lay on the floor for hours playing ball with Tigger. Whenever he was sitting in his chair there was sure to be one of the furries there with him.

(Danny with Fluff on the chair and Tigger on the floor.)

We adopted a black lab, Shelby. She was found tied to a tree just skin and bone and we can only assume that she was abused by men. It took some time for Shelby to warm up to Danny. This hurt Danny's feelings that she was afraid of him. Once she did warm up to him, they were inseparable. He took her for rides and walks. Over time she developed diabetes and if her sugar got to high, she couldn't walk. Mom would call the vet for an appointment and it was my job to carry her to the car. I remember one time Shelby was laying on the couch and Danny was going to take her to the vet. I opened all the doors and turned to Danny and said, "I need you to keep out of my way. She is over sixty pounds, I have to get her to the car fast before I drop her and you walk to slow." To which of course he got pissed off. So his idea of helping was holding her front paws, walking backwards as fast as he could. Which wasn't very fast. What could I do? I couldn't yell at him to get the fuck out of the way. I seen the look on his face and he needed to help. The vet got her sugar level under control and back to the same routine for Danny and Shelby.

(Danny and Shelby, aka Pups & puppy nerd)

Danny loved watching baseball. His team the Mets and always bragging. My team the Yankees (no need to brag). I had watched some of the Mets games and gave Danny a bone. I said, "I think the Mets are going to do very well this year." I think that he was shocked that I said this. This was the year of the subway series. Living next door, whenever the Mets would have a good play or scored, you could hear him yelling and clapping. When the Yankees did the same I would go to the window and to some hooting and hollering myself. Of course the Yankees won that series. I was glad that the Mets made it to the World Series and I am glad that they played the Yankees for this was the last time for Danny.

He loved snow. He was like a little kid whenever the weather person gave a hint of snow. My mom loved snowman, so when I was at a craft show, there was a snowman yard sign that said "Think Snow". Really two gifts in one. Snowman for mom. "Think Snow" for Danny. The sign was put out front. Well that winter it seemed to snow every weekend. I tired of this quickly and put the sign in the shed. Well the game began. Danny would bring the sign out. It would snow and I would put the sign back in the shed.

(Danny shoveling the white shit with Pups giving him support)

The year was 2001 and I was able to secure a loan and do the addition to my house that I wanted to do. My contractor's started in June. Danny would go over everyday to see the progress and chat with them in his own way. He was actually happy that I was doing this. I was happy that I was doing this because I was thinking about having holiday dinners and just having mom and Danny over for dinner. Things started to go down hill fast for him. His back started hurting him really bad. He basically stopped eating and drinking. Every time we suggested he go to the hospital, he yelled at us. He said he had pain medicine and asked for it. I asked which one and he said it was the small pink pill. Not sure if this was really for pain, I called the pharmacy and told them the name and asked what it was. They told me it was blood pressure medicine. When I told Danny this he looked at me strange. I finally said fuck it, your sick, you need to go to the hospital. I'm calling the rescue squad. He died three days later.

He never got to see my house finished. I think that he would have liked what I accomplished with it. This may sound strange, but after I moved in, I would be sitting watching TV or outside on the deck and all of a sudden shiver and sense that someone was there. The first couple of times this happened, I would get up and look around to see if anyone was around. No one was. Then when it happened again, I would say, "Okay Danny. Did I do good with the house?" I never got an answer of course. This went on for about a month. Then it stopped. It hasn't happened again.

So this is it. I have now done a tribute of sorts to my entire family. Dad, Mom & brother. Unfortunately, I never had any other brothers or sisters.