All too soon

I have talked about my baby many times before. I have also talked about her declining health. I have notice the past couple of days that she has become distant. She doesn't talk as much. She hasn't met me at the door when I come home. Doesn't curl up on me if I take a nap in the afternoon. Isn't underfoot when I am making dinner. Even when I was vacuuming, she didn't run and hide, until I was almost done the living room. She has been spending most of her day's laying in the living room window. Even then, she is up and turning herself around every couple of minutes.



This is hard for me because she is basically the last family I have left. That may sound stupid, but anyone who knows me, knows my cat is my baby. Animals do not have to be human to be a cherished family members. Some say animals are stupid. They're not. Some say they don't talk. They do. You just have to listen.



I guess what I am saying is some day, I think all too soon, I will be totally alone. I still have the kittens and love them very much, but this is different, and I don't know how to explain this.



A friend in work last week was saying that she just needs time away from her family. They are getting on her nerves and she just needs alone time. She then says to me, "how lucky you are." My response, "the grass isn't always greener on the other side."



I am a solitary person by nature. I can keep myself good company, but it is lonely sometimes. Isn't that about the strangest sentence you ever read?



My point is, I have lost my entire family one by one within a twelve year period. First my dad, uncle and gram. Each within a month of one another. Then my brother, aunt, cousin and her husband, within six months of one another. Then my mom and two aunt's within a year.

I get angry when I hear people talking negative about their family and just want to go up and slap them. I want to them how lucky they are to have family. Because all too soon they are gone.

Wildwood Crest had a Seafarer's event today. My ceramic teacher had a table selling ceramic's I asked her how she was doing. She had her knee operated on a couple of week's ago. She asked me if I had spoken to Karen yet. I said, "No. What's up?" Phyllis then floored me. She said, "Chrissy's husband died last night." What? What are you talking about? Phyllis said, "Mark was laying down on the couch. He got up and was beat red in the face, moaning and grabbing his chest. Chrissy called for rescue. They got to the house and worked on him there. Then they worked on him outside, but he was all ready gone." I asked how old was he? 56 years old.

I will not go to Chrissy's house or call her. Being in this position too many times, I know it is none stop people coming and calling. Reality hasn't sunk in yet. You feel as if you must entertain and comfort these good intentioned people. This goes on until the burial. Once that is done, everyone goes back to their normal lives. But you. You don't have a normal life anymore. The after is when you need people the most.

I have since spoken to Karen and told her this. She is going to Chrissy's house tonight, but only because Chrissy asked her. I asked Karen to tell Chrissy, how deeply sorry I am and that I will be there after things have calmed down. Karen agrees with me and all of us ceramic girls will make sure we are there for her after.

I had started composing this earlier in the week. I guess I was feeling lonely or sorry for myself or both. My baby is still distant, but not as much as before. I give her as much love as she will allow me.

We get pissed off at our loved ones. We fight with our loved ones. We go to bed mad at our loved ones. This is natural.

If you missed my point with this post, then let me tell you what the point is. Get pissed and fight, but never go to bed angry. Always tell them how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Because all too soon they are gone.